Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Comedy: YouTube Animation - Star Wars, The Elevator

Type the words Star Wars into a YouTube search and it's very unlikely you'll receive zero matches. If you do, then something has gone very seriously wrong.

There are lots of cool fan-based creations to be found. Here is one of the better ones. An animation by the Youtube user, obibrickkenobi. Going up, it's Star Wars, The Elevator.



Elevators aren't designed well for one particular Star Wars species. Can you guess which one? :oP



Monday, 23 November 2009

Star Wars Creatures: Gundark



Han Solo once remarked of Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back, "You look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark". A nice comment... maybe. What the hell is a Gundark anyway? Well... I've perhaps given it away by putting that big red Gundark picture at the top of this Blog entry. Ah, so that's a Gundark. A charming looking fellow, I think you'll agree.

Gundarks are semi-sentient beings thought to originate from the rocky planet of Vanqor. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi ran into one in the Clone Wars Season 1 Episode, Dooku Captured.

They are thought to be one of the most vicious and strong creatures in the galaxy. Judging by the huge competition in the Star Wars universe, that is a pretty impressive feat.

There are many different species, but most tend to have either short grey or brown fur, are between 1 and 1.5 metres tall and have four powerful arms. The ears of a fully developed adult are about as wide as its head, which led to the Han Solo phrase. Curiously, Gundarks are born with just two arms with a second pair developing in adolescence.

Gundarks tend to live in tribes and are found on many planets including Naboo and Alaris Prime. It is thought that they originated on Vanqor and were transported to other worlds by Galactic Republic anti-slavers and perhaps unlawful individuals wishing to exploit their savage fighting skills in expensive paid-for-ticket arenas.



Saturday, 21 November 2009

Comedy: Star Wars? No. Grocery Store Wars !!!

If you're like me, you've probably always wondered what Star Wars would have been like if all the characters had been played by vegetables. Some may argue that Jar Jar Binks was actually played by a vegetable, but this is yet to be conclusively proved... although I wouldn't be surprised.

Well here it is then... Grocery Store Wars !!! A few years old, so many of you may have already seen it, but anyway... shear brilliance!



A word of seriousness for a second. Be wary of the dark side of the farm. Ok, not really that serious, but with this particular blog entry, I'm severely struggling.



Friday, 20 November 2009

Clone Wars: Season 1 - Episode 11, Dooku Captured



The Clone Wars: Season 1 - Episode 11, Dooku Captured, introduces us to Ohnaka's Pirate Gang. The episode has the moral, "The winding path to peace is always a worthy one regardless of how long it takes".

Manhunt! After a long and perilous search, the Jedi finally track down Separatist leader, Count Dooku. During a heroic attempt to capture the Count, Anakin Skywalker has gone missing. Having lost contact with Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi head towards his friends last known location, a lone Separatist Frigate in the far reaches of the Outer Rim.

Kenobi secretly boards the Separatist Frigate and moves stealthily through the ship looking for any trace of Anakin. He finds and releases him from his holding cell. It is revealed that Anakin's capture was their deliberate plan in order to capture the Count.

All seems to be going very easily when the pair walk in on Dooku who is sitting on the floor of his cabin in meditation. As a Republic Warship starts firing upon Dooku's ship, Anakin orders his immediate surrender. Dooku escapes downward through a trap door tunnel. Making chase, Anakin jumps down the tunnel, determined to stop the Count's escape. Realising he is being followed, Dooku fires force lightning back at his pursuer. The Jedi blocks it with his sabre, shields his face from the bright light and in doing so loses which way his prey went at a critical junction.

Meanwhile Obi-Wan Kenobi has raced to the ship's hangar. He sees Dooku leave in his Solar Sailor with a number of Vulture Droid Fighters either side. The Jedi takes a remaining ship and lifts off to make chase, a rapidly arriving Anakin just makes it aboard in time.

The Jedi pairing manage to shoot Dooku's ship down and the burning craft ditches on some barren moon. Unfortunately, in trying to eliminate the accompanying Vulture Fighters, their ship also takes critical damage and they are forced to crash-land on the very same moon as the Sith Lord.

On the rocky moon, Anakin and Kenobi find Dooku's damaged ship already abandoned. Skywalker lightsabres its exterior Homing Beacon. Determined to bring the Count to justice, the Jedi further explore the terrain. They enter some caves. Kenobi is a little uneasy, he senses many lifeforms present. It's a Trap! Dooku is hiding, waiting for them. Using the force, he brings down a rock slide at their location. He takes Anakin's dropped lightsabre, calmly leaves the cave and seals the entrance with another force-induced rock slide.

Dooku heads back to his wrecked Solar Sailor to see a band of Weequay Pirates looting it. They are Ohnaka's Pirate Gang led by Hondo Ohnaka.

Anakin and Kenobi have thankfully survived the rock slide, but Kenobi's lightsabre has been critically damaged. They will not be able to use it to cut out an escape. To make matters worse, they are suddenly attacked by a Gundark! Anakin distracts the creature whilst Kenobi tries to repair his sabre, but to no avail. Eventually they knock it unconscious by force pushing large boulders into its large body.

Back at the downed Solar Sailor, Dooku's talks with the Pirates are not going well. The leader Ohnaka, senses that the Count must be worth quite a high ransom to the Republic. The Pirates takes him to their home base at Florrum. In the interim, light-fingers have also stolen his lightsabres from him. Dooku has been captured.

In trying to break a way out from the sealed cave, Anakin and Kenobi inadvertently release a pocket of poisonous gas. It looks like they are in serious trouble until the entrance is blow open by the familiar sight of Ahsoka and a group of Clone Troopers.

The Weequay Pirates transmit a Holo-message to Palpatine and the Jedi concerning Dooku. "If you want the Sith Lord, the ransom will be a million credits!". Padme answers, they will send two Jedi to confirm the prisoner actually is Dooku before sending the ransom money. Of course, Skywalker and Kenobi are near the Pirate planet Florrum, so they send them. As part of the arrangement, the pair are instructed to go there unarmed. Kenobi is a little hesitant about meeting a band of unlawful pirates he doesn't even know without a weapon. "Well, this should be fun," he quips.

Taking the Twilight, they land on Florrum. On departing the ship, the Weequays immediately scan them for any hidden weapons. Seeing that the visitors have none, they are escorted to Honda Ohnaka at a rowdy Pirate tavern.

Kenobi comments, "Congratulations on your capture of Count Dooku, very impressive". Ohnaka answers,"Even Sith Lords are no match for my warriors". Very bold words.

All they want to do is confirm that the Pirate are indeed holding Dooku then to leave as quickly as possible. Something doesn't feel quite right. They are escorted to a room and instantly recognise Count Dooku suspended helpless in bonds.

Happy of Dooku's identity, Kenobi sends back message to the Republic confirming the Pirates have him and to send the agreed ransom.

The Weequay Pirates are a drunken disreputable bunch. To celebrate the deal, they invite the Jedi to a drink in the tavern. For some strange reason, maybe to keep things running smoothly, they agree. Suspecting their drinks have been drugged however, they each quickly swap them with the Pirate either side of them. The drinks were indeed drugged as suspected. The Pirates are scheming something.

But, for now, all looks well. The Republic finally looks like they have Count Dooku. Could this be an important turning point in the Clone Wars?



Thursday, 19 November 2009

Star Wars Creatures: Roggwart



The Roggwart is a fierce non-sentient creature that first showed in The Clone Wars: Season 1 - Episode 10, The Lair of General Grievous.

The one that was Grievous' pet was called Gor. This guardian creature was additionally fitted with Battle armour which made it very formidable indeed.

Just by looking at the beasts long arms and huge claws, it looks as if the Roggwarts would be able to overpower any Rancor with ease. Roughly the same height at over 3 metres, they also have very sharp and plentiful teeth to incapacitate their prey. An agile and powerful tail can also be used with deadly efficiency if required as could its curved head horns.

The Roggwart creatures originate from the planet Vendaxa in the Vendaxa system. The world consists mainly of jungles, plain and oceans. It has a very harsh ecosystem which has given rise to a number of nightmare creatures besides the terrible Roggwart. Acklays are also from this region.



Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Clone Wars: Season 1 - Episode 10, The Lair of General Grievous



The Clone Wars: Season 1 - Episode 1, The Lair of Grievous introduces us to Jedi Master Kit Fisto and his former Mon Calamari Padawan, Nahdah Vebb. The episode has the Moral, "Most powerful is he who controls his own power".

Vice Gunray escapes! En route to stand trial for war crimes, evil Separatist leader, Nute Gunray has broken free of his Jedi escort. With the help of Count Dooku's sinister agents, the villainous viceroy has made a daring getaway. Alerted to the prison break, Jedi Master Kit Fisto has traced the stolen ship to a remote system, hoping to recapture Gunray and return him to justice.

Kit Fisto tracks the homing beacon of the stolen Republic ship to the Vassek system. He lands his ship on the Vassek planet. His astromech R6h5 remains aboard in his station while Fisto rendezvous with his former young Padawan, Nahdar Vebb and a party of Clone Troopers.

Fisto, Nahdar and the Clones follow the beacon signal on the dusty rock planet. They come up to a sealed entrance gate in the rock. Fisto finds a secret panel to push and the entrance-way obligingly opens. The party venture inside. The stone structure is badly lit and has a very eerie feel to it. It looks deserted, but Fisto senses there is something there.

They hear the Viceroy Nute Gunray's voice! Nahdar and Fisto calmly walk into a chamber. There are several battledroids and a chair with its back facing them. Gunray is presumably in it. Rapidly and with much aggression, Nahdar takes out all the droids with his lightsabre. Fisto frowns, "Those who have power should restrain themselves from using it," he tells the young Mon Calamari.

On turning the chair, Gunray is not there! Just a Hologram of his image! "I welcome you to your doom!" he laughs. The tracking beacon of the stolen ship has been used to lure them into a trap!

The Holo image changes to that of Count Dooku, "While the viceroy is unavailable for capture, let me offer you an alternative prize". A trap has been set and the Jedi believe they are the bait... but to what? All becomes quickly apparent. While searching the building, the party pass a shrine to a form of warrior. "This is the Lair of General Grievous!" says Fisto to the others.

Meanwhile Grievous is in his personal ship heading for the planet. He is unaware that the Jedi are there. He receives a Holo-transmission from Dooku who informs him that he is under performing and he expects more dead Jedi.

The Clones on the outside of the building communicate to Fisto that General Grievous' ship is coming in. Nahdar Vebb comments, "Capturing Grievous will turn the tide of the war."

Grievous arrives at a very quiet looking base. He wonders where all his droids are and calls out to Gor, his pet. Oddly, nobody is around. Jumping from the shadows, the Jedi take him completely by surprise. A lightsabre fight breaks out, but Grievous is halted, when the clones hit both of his legs with tow cables holding him in place. As the cyborg struggles, Fisto cuts both his mechanical legs off. Damaged, Grievous somehow breaks free and tries to crawl away, moving now a lot like a spider. He kills one of the Clone Troops then flees further into the base using handholds in the ceiling to aid his escape.

Grievous makes his way to the Lair's medical centre and a EV series Doctor droid. The doctor reveals that his Bodyguard Magna Droids were deactivated for recharge, he presumed that Grievous had done it. The General reactivates the Magnas and instructs them to secure the perimeter. He also locks all the doors preventing any quick exit.

One of the Clones with the Jedi sends out a message to his comrades outside, "Contact the fleet at Bestine. We've engaged Grievous and require reinforcements". A Magna Guard fires a powerful pulse cannon destroying the ship. Reinforcements will now be never sent.

Patrolling the perimeter, Magna Guards also close in on Kit Fisto's personal fighter. Fisto orders R6 to take off. He does so, but has to pull off some acrobatic moves to shift a lone Magna who has managed to cling on.

The Jedi are confronted by a Holo image of Grievous, "Welcome to my Lair," he says, "It has been prepared for uninvited guests... like you!"

The trap door in the floor falls away and they all fall through heading towards a deadly furnace. Resourcefully, they manage to pull themselves out, but another Clone is killed. Now it is down to just the two Jedi and a single clone.

There is no time to recover. Grievous' hideous pet, Gor, makes a dramatic entrance. An big ugly looking monster. It is a Roggwart, a beast with sharp teeth and a powerful tail, it makes a rancor look like a pussy cat!

It is a big struggle, but Gor is eventually slain. The last Clone has been unfortunately killed. Nahdar severs the beast's tail and Fisto delivers the final killing blow. The young Nahdar Vebb is very angry at the Clones deaths and is determined to make Grievous pay for what he has done. He seems to be having a battle of conscience. Kit Fisto reminds him, "Revenge is not the Jedi way". This echoes back to the moral of the episode, "Most powerful is he who controls his own power".

During the fight, Grievous has been repaired by the EV droid. He them receives an incoming message from Count Dooku and learns the whole affair has been one big set up. Dooku purposely led the Jedi to his Lair and also deactivated his personal Guard. The Count just wants Grievous to prove his worthiness. Grievous cuts off the transmission in disgust, he wants the Jedi dead!

The Jedi are hiding and see Grievous exit the control room. They sneak in, but are observed by the EV Medical Droid who swiftly raises the alarm. Nahdar is still hell bent on destroying Grievous. So strong in fact that it clouds his judgement. As the Control room door rapidly closes he is separated from Kit Fisto and alone.

Three Magna Guards immediately move in to attack Nahdar. Grievous taunts from the sidelines and once the Magnas are eventually defeated, takes over the battle himself.

"You can't defeat us all," says Nahdar defiantly. "Of course I can," Grievous confidently retorts. Fisto takes out the EV droid in the control room, but looks on helpless as Grievous kills Nahdar with a blaster while blocking his thrust with duel lightsabers. His many arms gave him a massive advantage against a newly qualified Jedi Knight.

Grievous looks up to the monitor screen which Kit Fisto is watching, "I will kill you all! Do you hear me Jedi!". Fisto decides its time to leave and arranges to regroup with R6 and his ship at the South Landing Bay. Grievous is planning to stop him.

As he waits at the South Landing Bay, Grievous makes a dramatic appearance with all four lightsabres whirling round at high speed. The pair do battle and are joined by three Magna Guards. Surrounded, it looks like Fisto is defeated when R6 makes a very late, but welcome appearance. The Jedi Master gracefully backflips onto to it and the ship speeds away.

Count Dooku is dismissive of Grievous' performance and just comments there is room for improvement, much to the cyborg's annoyance.

Back on Coruscant at the Jedi Temple, on hearing of the Padawan's death, Master Yoda has the episodes final wise words, "In this war, a danger there is, of losing who we are."



Comedy: Stars Wars explained for those who have never seen it...

If you've never seen of heard of Star Wars, then I don't know quite how you've managed it. That's some achievement! Perhaps you live on the Moon or deep underground or something. But if you are in this category and want to catch up, then do not fear. This YouTube Vid, I'm sure, will explain everything!

Oh, maybe I should mention, the person explaining the storyline hasn't seen any of the movies either. :op



Hooray! See, now you know what you've been missing out on all this time. Beam me up Scotty or whatever!